It has been a year since I have even looked at this blog. I must admit I just haven't had the time or energy. I ran across the link to my blog and thought I should post. As I signed in I realized there is just too much to share in just one post. I will say that I re-read September 11, 2012 Tears! Boy oh boy has my world been turned upside down since then. I struggle to find a starting point as to what I share first. So here goes:
I sit here tonight with 3 kiddos tucked in bed and a heart trying to sort out so many emotions. January 15th my 6 year old son was diagnosed with Wilms tumor (pediatric kidney cancer) stage 2. He had his kidney that contained the tumor removed and underwent 6 months chemotherapy. We thought we were done. At the end of treatment the run scans to verify no new cancer growth. We were a bit nervous and rightly so. The scans showed new growth in his lungs. One tumor in each. Devastating to say the least. Something that seemed so hopeful just got really complicated. Now we were looking at radiation and 9-12 more months of chemotherapy. I had already lost a child now the reality of losing another was too much.
Halfway through Nathanael's chemotherapy we got a huge surprise. Even though I had a sterilization procedure done called Essure, we were pregnant. It was so funny and shocking we laughed. I was scared but excited at the same time. I wasn't sure how we were gonna do all this heavy chemo for one child and care for 2 others and a newborn. Wow that was heavy. I was 20weeks along when we found out we were having a baby and also learned it was a boy! Oh a boy!!! My youngest would only be 18months old when the baby was born, they would share a room and be the best of brothers. We were pretty much ready for our precious baby when on September 11, 2013 I delivered my fifth child Isaiah. We learned the day before at 34weeks gestation we lost our son. For a 2nd time in my life I would bury my child. I cannot even explain the depths of the pain now being without two of my children. I trust in God and know that he has been and will continue to walk this journey with me. I fight not to understand all of this but to get through each day in one piece. We continued our fight for one son while we buried another. We continue this fight today!
